I'd like to buy a vowel...or four.

I understand that companies have to look at target markets, they have to follow trends to try and ensnare more market share, they try to do things different and stand out. And these efforts only become magnified as you enter into the sort of market where Mountain Dew lives. Things are "edgy" and "X-treme", you're competing with Rockstar and Red Bull, you need to "dew" (haha) something that looks "totally rad" but not so "rad" that Mom won't pick it up when she's out grocery shopping. Somehow, this perfect storm of situations adds up to producing a crime against humanity that is the new Mountain Dew identity:

What is that? M.t.n. Dew? Why? WHY!?
Don't get me wrong, the Mountain Dew identity has never been a stroke of artistic genius or anything, and I have to say my fear has always been it would eventually boil-down to the shining piece of garbage that is it's current incarnation, but why the no vowels?
I can see no counters in the letters, that can be interesting, or SOMETIMES using numbers in the place of letters can be cool, but it's a little overdone...and EVEN TXT SPEAK ("u" not "you") can be acceptable...but this...is not.
What does it say? What is it trying to do? Is it supposed to be cool? Is this supposed to make me want to crack open a "mtn" dew and go "grind an ollie" on my "roller-board"? It REALLY just looks like "m.t.n.", it's non-sensical! And the triangles in the background? Are those supposed to be mountain peaks (I mean "m.t.n." peaks)?? I just don't understand...it's just begging to be made a mockery of! There's nothing extreme about this!

Dear Pepsi Corporation,

Cease and desist! I love your soda, but please give me back the vowels. Your identity makes me want to gouge out my eyes with a soldering iron, because it is trite and makes no sense. This offense can be neither justified, or made clear, and can be rectified only with a complete revamping of your visual identity. Please comply.

Sincerely,

Mr. S. FeldmanForever

Maybe we should talk about the Pepsi identity "system" next week. Ugh.